restoration

ah. friday comes in a very long week. as i sit in my little office alone this morning, i am struck by how my body is just wrecked. i have a backache, my stomach is filled with a large lump of despair that feels like a real tumor, and i can feel physical pain tugging at my heart.

i have felt this feeling before, thankfully only once or twice. it is times like this that i realize that we were not made for death. every fiber of our being is made for life, for the breath that was breathed into us from the beginning. it is times like this that i can begin to comprehend the burden that came with the cross, and the victory that only the cross brings for us.

i am so thankful to mourn with the Lord. yesterday He was my greatest companion. He came to me in many forms, from unexpected phone calls to hugs and prayers from treasured friends. more importantly, He came to me with his rhema Word, which never ceases to amaze me.

on wednesday i bought a copy of an album called Glory Revealed on itunes. it was nice for beener and i to sit and listen to worship music as we carried out our goodbye ritual. one of the songs is called "Restore to Me" and i was immediately struck by it, at a heart level. the lyrics are something like "restore to me the joy of your salvation, restore to me the wonders of your love" and i listened. and listened and listened, as i cried.

last night, as i sat alone, i turned to the Bible. i read all of the scriptures for march 9th, pleading with God for comfort in His Word. i finished the days reading, and needed more. suddenly, my heart realized that yesterday was the 8th, not the 9th. excitedly, i backtracked to the scriptures for the 8th...seeking, seeking. and of course, He answered. in the grace of the Words themselves, i saw Psalm 51:12

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

there in the quiet of the evening of a very sad day, i was so blessed to feel the presence of the God of the universe, telling me that he will restore joy to me again, the wonderful promise that i am standing on today.