getting to the heart

i'm restless today.

i've been restless for awhile but i find it's getting worse, not better. that's why i am asking for prayer, from those of you who would go to God on my behalf.

lots of stuff to ask for, but here's the biggie. my worship group (a wonderful group of women - we've been meeting in some form or another the entire time i have been a christian) is now doing a new "thing" - moving into prophetic prayer by studying a woman named patricia king.

http://www.extremeprophetic.com/

this is not a quick decision. gradually the Lord has been showing us where he wants us to be. and i really truly know in my heart that this direction is His will.

problem is, my will is getting in the way. i am NOT feeling like i can participate in this study. we are seeking God for signs and wonders, for prophetic gifts, for authority to heal, and for a deeper walk into His will for the world in these last of days.

i believe in all of these things, and i sincerely wish i was "there" in my spirit. but what i feel is tired, backslid, sinful, very very "in the flesh" and needing of a brokenness so that i can be what God wants?! does that make sense?

i have been slovenly in my spiritual habits, which is why i am feeling this way. i know there is forgiveness in Christ, but i no sooner repent and give it to the Lord, than i stand up and do my own thing again!

so, i ask for strength. and a desire that keeps me with Him, not without Him. and for the "weight" around my neck to fall. and for a real clear message from the Lord about whether or not i should continue with this study.

thanks for prayin.' i will keep you posted about the answer.

ps, my bible reading this morning was from Jeremiah 30. the following passages particularly struck my heart....

Why do you cry out over your wound,
your pain that has no cure?
Because of your great guilt and many sins
I have done these things to you.

But I will restore you to health
and heal your wounds,'
declares the LORD,
because you are called an outcast,
Zion for whom no one cares.'

This is what the LORD says:
" 'I will restore the fortunes of Jacob's tents
and have compassion on his dwellings;
the city will be rebuilt on her ruins,
and the palace will stand in its proper place.

From them will come songs of thanksgiving
and the sound of rejoicing.
I will add to their numbers,
and they will not be decreased;
I will bring them honor,
and they will not be disdained.

Their children will be as in days of old,
and their community will be established before me;
I will punish all who oppress them.

Their leader will be one of their own;
their ruler will arise from among them.
I will bring him near and he will come close to me,
for who is he who will devote himself
to be close to me?'
declares the LORD.

" 'So you will be my people,
and I will be your God.' "