i have been spending far too much time today thinking about toilet paper. mostly, about how much i never thought about it before. i guess i was kind of imagining tp going into complete nonexistence, right after flushing. sluuuuuuuuurp. gone. never to be seen or heard from again.
not to say i have never thought about tp.
i mean, i usually buy in bulk at sam's club. because then i don't run out and have inconvenient moments.
i think about the softer, fluffier, charminier kind when i do shop for it. because by now in life i MUST deserve softer, fluffier, charminier stuff.
i have never before thought about how much of it i use. i know it's kind of personal, but bear with me. i usually wind out a fairly nice sized 'wad' that fits into my hand. it's just more comfortable that way.
not. ever. again.
from now on, i'm thinking about it. 2-4 squares for the regular duties. maybe MAYBE 6 if you need em. no more. REALLY. no more.
because some day, when you least expect it, these little tp fragments (which don't go away btw, ever) will come back UP into your sewer system, into your basement, and present you with images that you NEVER EVER WANTED to have. awful horrible images glued into your psyche.
and possibly even, this little guy will show up with them. and then the plumber who can very well deal with the tp, but CANNOT deal with him, will freak out.
and then you BOTH will freak out and declare it the yuckiest, gnarliest, yet kind of funniest, day on record. and then you will figure out a way to put him (snake, not plumber) outside, so that he can tell his friends about HIS horrible awful images stuck in his brain.
4 squares. that's my new resolution. hopefully, it will be a LONG time before i have to relive today again.
7 comments:
Oh. My. Goodness.
I was just thinking about how crazy my day was. Nevermind. You win.
That story could get some money from Reader's Digest. I'm glad you're laughing about it already.
You could buy a lot of tp with $200 from Readers Digest...not that you'll need a lot of tp, given your new resolution.
I seriously almost fainted when I saw the photo, and then again when I realized you had written a colon-related post. Scandalous!
I am thinking that we need to move out of this house and leave its plumbing faaaar behind the moment Moose leaves for college. Seriously.
I can't really even think about the trauma that snake has suffered, but I am impressed that (really? A dude who deals with poop for a living couldn't handle a snake?) you are the one who dealt with him.
I am praying hard that your "present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed" in/to you today!
..and one last random thing. In your last sentence, my brain read "relieve" instead of relive.
Ha!
ellen. i would pay reader's digest to NOT have to deal with that poop again :))
karen, i knew you would chastize me for the subject matter.
actually the snake was the TOTAL star of the story. as the guy was jumping around yelling 'i'm gonna kill him, i'm gonna kill him' and i was jumping around yelling 'put him outside, put him OUTSIDE' i was already picturing blog posts in my head.
it should be noted that he was all of 6" long, 1/4" wide. omgoodness. funny stuff.
you all missed the fun of listening to this story in person, from a very jacked-up bobbi who could hardly breathe she was laughing so hard. good thing she has a sense of humor. some people would not find a live snake and raw sewage in their homes very funny :)
I DID NOT chastise you. I worked very hard at not chastising you, and I want it noted.
I really don't think I would have written the same post, given the situation. You do get an 'A' for attitude.
karen. i could feel you chastising me in your head :)
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