forever

i got the call this afternoon that my favorite aunt is dying. it's the call i was roughly aware of as "coming" but still, i was not prepared. my mom said that when they spoke last week, she felt great, and was thinking that life was good.

now, she is in the hospital, and i am coming undone. i wanted more time, and i was negligent with the time i had. i wanted to spend more long afternoons, retelling stories and talking about our shared loves. i wanted to not be so close, and yet see her so rarely.

when i hung up the phone, i sat and cried for a sec, and then desperately wondered if i could think of SOMETHING that belongs to her, that i could see and touch. i have a couple of family heirloom dishes, etc, but then i remembered the angel wing begonia.

she gave me the plant on a sunny summer day in 2007. it was scraggly, and she was sick of it. i put it in my gazebo and that summer, it became glorious. i have somehow managed to keep it alive, through cuttings last winter, and this fall, i drug the whole dang huge thing in the house and sat it in a corner. it doesn't get any natural light where it sits, but i figured if it started to look sickly, i would just take cuttings and try to hold on to them until spring.

so tonite, i walked into the living room and leaned down to look at the plant. i blinked, and looked again. there it is, right there even though i have never seen it before, a little blossom hanging off it's latest leaf. for the first time since i've owned the plant, it is blooming.

sigh. i am so constantly amazed at how God shows up. i know He knows that she will soon come to be with Him. i know because she and i have actually talked about it, one of my few family members who i am SURE about. i know He knows i will miss her, but that forever is right around the corner. i just know. He knows.