i guess it's time for an update on the health issue i've been dealing with for a few months. i haven't posted about it, because a) this is a happy blog (at least for the most part) and b) i haven't been too happy about my health.
i get the feeling that things are changing though, God has given me a word about it lately.
to be blunt, the word was "why not just believe Me?"
you see, for most of my life, i've been plagued with doubts and fears. from the time i was very very young, i would have classified myself as an "anxious" person. as friends of mine can tell you, even when i HAVE NOT BEEN SICK, i've worried about being sick. i think they call it "hyposomething or other." ha.
so when this happened, and i really DID feel yucky, and really did not know what was going on, i panicked. starting thinking of the bad things. kept on talking about the problem, much more than the solution. God gave me His Word right away, that i would be healed, by Him, because of faith.
and yet, i have tried to find the solution. went to doctor(s), read on the internet, and documented everything that was wrong. kept coming up blank, and still feeling yucky. even a couple of weeks ago, when i went to a specialist who God handed me on a platter (how many docs do you know who say "no charge" and confidently tell you "nothing bad is going to happen to you") i did not fully believe that this was "it" - i kept looking for another answer.
finally, in frustration last week, i asked God what to do. i told Him i was DONE looking for solutions unless one showed up at my door and i was just hoping it would be over soon.
i guess it was this weekend that the thought popped into my head "why not just rest and believe you ARE better, and this IS over?"
hmmm. why not indeed? i mean, even if you've been a "glass partially empty" girl your whole life, what good reason is there for not becoming a "glass really pretty full" girl just once to see what it feels like?
so that's where i'm at today. not quite all the way there, but hoping to focus on the positive, which is that i am BETTER than i was a few weeks ago. and that i have the meds, and the tools to get all the way there. soon, i hope, but surely getting there, no matter how long it takes.
John 7:38
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."
3 comments:
I recently heard a pastor say that God can only do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Yes, I think it's time to stop trying so hard for self (or doctor)-sufficiency.
your relationship with God has grown so much through all of this...the way you think and the way you are trying to live. i would say the bucket is nearly brimming over. i'm proud of you. :)
This is a toughing story bob. K~
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