full up

oh. monday mornings are rough. especially after a holiday. i do already have one meeting under my belt, but still. i am feeling more firmly planted in the weekend, than in the new work week.

on saturday, carey and i traveled to rapid city for a visit to karen and her family. we knew that we would be pretty useless in a physical sense, but we wanted to somehow "do" something for karen as she continues on the path of caring for her mom Sue who has cancer. actually, i hate calling her that. if i discovered one thing this weekend, it's that karen's mom is NOT a woman with cancer. she is a woman who has made a difference, whose life has had and still has much purpose, who is planned for and cared for and loved by Jesus, and who God has chosen to shine through, even though (and perhaps because) the experience of having cancer has consumed many of her days.

i was nervous. not really to see sue, because i have seen relatives during the end of their lives, and i have held their hands and through tear stained eyes, said goodbye. i was more nervous simply because i did not want to be in the way of sue spending her time with people she loved. also, i didn't want to take any of karen's time away from her dear mom or the rest of her family. when you get right down to it, i just went to hug karen, because even though blogs are nice, they are not the same as really touching someone.

i was hoping i had a pretty good picture in my head of how sue would look when i saw her. apart from karen's description of her as a little yellow turtle, carey and i did kind of wonder what state she would actually be in. i was worried for carey, who had spent time growing up with this woman, and who has not been faced with too many dying people in her life.

all of the silly worries were for naught. carey was wonderful, she is so warm and able to show love and concern, and i'm glad she got to see sue again. and even though sue didn't communicate much on the day we arrived (it was later in the afternoon, and she must have been tired by then) i was surprised by her absolute beauty. she IS a small little woman, obviously very ill. but she is also luminous. her skin is actually delicate and lovely. her expression when she is awake is one of kindness, and her eyes are just gorgeous. she has the light of Jesus in her, no doubt. you can SEE it. when the girls were reminiscing about the past, she looked around with her small little face and her eyes said that she remembered too. it was hard to see her wince in pain, and even harder to see karen have to see her mom wince in pain. but for me, the thing i will remember is her eyes. THAT is what Jesus looks like. THAT is why He brought carey and i there, so that we could see Him. in person. and touch Him. in person. which we did.

so thank you sue for showing me my Lord. and thank you karen for showing me His feet and His hands. and thank you Lord for showing Yourself. you truly filled me up with you, and i am grateful.

when i took sue's hand to say goodbye, and tell her i was glad to meet her, she looked up at me with those sparkly eyes and said very clearly "it was nice to meet you. i will see you again either here or there." to which i replied "i'm looking forward to that day."

i am. it's good to know that my new friend and i will spend time together again, because He has promised us both that we will. in the meantime, i'll keep praying for a peaceful journey for sue and her family as they travel down the road He has layed for them.