this is what no sleep looks like

happy friday, peeps. i'm running on low....low....low today, as things wind down for the week.

i will find out today whether i bought a house or not. trying not to think about it for now ;)

sigh. i know it might seem to some of you in blogland that i am making a rush decision. those who know me a little more personally, however, know that i am not. although i have felt very, very blessed to reside on the back forty for 8 years (this month!), i have also felt a restlessness the last couple of years.

i affectionately call my neighborhood 'the hood.' at first, it was light-hearted. lately, it seems heavy-hearted. you see, there are a ton of desperate people here. a ton. and desperation sometimes breeds some not-so-nice behavior. i have seen people staggering down the alley yelling obscenities to each other. i have had teenage girls shout and stalk around my yard at 10am. i have had neighbors that let their dogs bark non-stop from 11am - 2pm, with no interest whatsoever in whom they were bothering (me). i have had a roaring harley 15 ft from my bedroom window while i was trying to fall asleep.

i am tired of the hood.

i also have too many wonderful memories to count. like the young native american woman with twins in a stroller who knocked on my door to tell me how beautiful my flowers were. i gave her some spare planters, and a few tips on gardening.

i have had countless backyard conversations with my older neighbor, who suffers from a life of less-than-clean living and loneliness...i will miss him so much, even though i was afraid of him when i first moved here.

i have watched the neighbor who routinely yelled at me 'what the h*** you up to?' pass away after 84 years, and his kids clear the house of a lifetime of stuff.

i have watched a little girl, who has mental disabilities, go from not having eye contact with me to asking me if i will stay outside awhile, so we can 'talk.'

i have lived a lot here. we'll see if the Lord is ready for me to take my memories and move on, but either way, it's been a good season.

yesterday, i was reading my bible, in 1 chronicles, which is not always a page turner. king david was telling nathan the prophet about how unlikely it seemed that he should deserve to live in a palace, while the Lord resided outside in a tent (the ark of the covenant).

here is what the Lord said back to him:

I took you away from the grasslands. That is where you were taking care of your father's sheep and goats. I made you ruler over my people Israel. I have been with you everywhere you have gone. I cut off all of your enemies when you were attacking them. Now I will make you famous. Your name will be just as respected as the names of the most important people on earth.

I will provide a place where my people Israel can live. I will plant them in the land. Then they will have a home of their own. They will not be bothered anymore. Sinful people will no longer crush them, as they did at first. That is what your enemies have done ever since I appointed leaders over my people Israel. But I will bring all of them under your control.

i'm pretty sure that these verses hold true, no matter what street i will live on, or where. i'm trying to keep that in the forefront of my mind today as my restless heart waits. He is good, and He is with me, and He will plant me where He wishes - and that is in the end the most important thing.

happy friday all :)